Brookfield Properties, the capitalist owner of Zucotti Park, has instituted new rules for the Occupy Wall Street protesters to follow. The rules are designed to respect the property and appease the residents who live in the area surrounding the park:
5. Instead of defecating on permanent park furniture, stick to temporary locations, like police car hoods
4. Mask smell of patchouli with preferable natural body odor
3. Limit loud Robo-tripping fits to hours between 9:00am-9:00pm
2. Balance all Marxist rhetoric with a brand mention. For example: "Society does not consist of individuals, but expresses the sum of interrelations. Try Dave's Hot & Juicy Cheeseburger at Wendy's today."
1. After a few more weeks of this, can 99% of you go occupy Lenexa, Kansas?
I read in the New York Times that they are rioting in Portugal. Apparently they're upset at having to work more than 4 hours a day. Good luck with that. In this economy, you'll have more luck wedging Chef Paul Prudhomme into Macauley Culkin's Speedo than getting your demands met.
4. To have Aaron Neville sing "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" to him on his deathbed.
3. His favorite meal, chahpssahl garoo and Fritos at the Ch'ŏngjin Papa John's.
2. For all of his fans to be given one Mike & Ike to celebrate his hair.
1. To be cremated in fuschia chiffon.